I'm not begging you to love me.

I'm not really even asking you.

But, isn't it alright

If I cherish that hope in my heart?

If I dream of just holding your hand,

It will hurt me - not you.

I will try to keep my eyes from shining

When they see you.

And I promise

I will try not to smile a special smile

When you say hello.

but, please

Don't ask me

Not to love you...

For a moment I was just wondering what this person was going through…What would it feel like to have loved a person so much, only to find her falling for someone else…Why would it not have mattered to her that he cared for her so much, loved her more than himself…. Yet he had to be quiet… Just so coz she wished to be with someone else….

Like we read in the story of the Tree, Leaf and Wind (Valentine Story)….How she longed for him to look upon her….How she comforted him on the loss of his girl friend only to find him the next day with someone else…..Yet she waited for him, believing one day he’d approve of her….Yet in the end, she settled for someone else….

When I read it, I thought it to be very touching indeed....Hmmmm……I started pondering on this for a while….And so this is what happens in love???!!!

I couldn’t help wondering how two people could fall in love with each other knowing that the relation wouldn’t do them any good…When they know for sure that they will NEVER have a future together... I’ve seen a lot of love stories at college…And almost all of them had broken off by the end of our course…Well not all of them had this “real love” ingredient in it….Some were just, well you know, “different” (no comments!!!)

Now coming back to the case, I once asked my friend why did she go on with the relation with this guy…I knew for certain that this would never work out…Even she did….Yet she wasn’t ready to give him up…She went on with it knowing that this guy would just leave her in the end…The loss is hers and hers alone!!! She said she wanted to be happy for the time-being…Happy to be with him right now…Hmmmm….”Happy for the time-being”!!!

And what happens when this time gets over…Would you cry all day long for the rest of your life? Would you live with his memories? Or would you just get over him and move on with your life? Yeah!! Move on with your life… With a totally new guy, maybe an affair, maybe get married. And you still think of him? Hmmm…Two questions. How could you move on with your life after having lost someone you loved so much? And how could you love the new guy exactly the same way as you did the first one? If you didn’t forget your love, then there’s one for you too… Do you forgive him for leaving you alone? Would you go on and sabotage his life? Make sure he doesn’t live “happily ever after”? If you forgive him, well what next? (too many questions, I know)

So what did I do when my best friend was in these shoes? I felt bad for him…I hated the girl for ditching him just like that…And oh, well yes…I asked him to move on…He was my friend. What else could I tell him? I asked him to forget her…Everyone did…And he did…Now what would I do if I were him? (uhh…..)

Now what am I trying to prove here? All such relations are insane? Non commentable? Am not sure…But yes I would like to have answers …

My Hairy Friend!!!

BORED!!!

Every Friday, post lunch, am in no mood to work....After that delightful meal the cafeteria offers (esp. d sweets) I could think of nothing else other than going home n enjoying the weekend....

Last Friday was just d same.....Planning on which movies to watch.....Where I could go n hang-out.....I wanted my weekend to be nothing but fun.....I even pitied on my friends who had to come to office on Saturday n maybe even Sunday.....But sad there's nothing I could do....And not that I even cared of either (excuse me for being so selfish)

The moment my system clock showed 5:30 I packed up my stuff, made sure I'd send out a "Have a nice weekend" mail to each n everyone I know of n was out of office by sharp 6:00...

Well now what??!! It was too early to go home.....I begged my roomies to go have a cup of our favourite "ginger tea" at the nearby bakery....Now who would have thought the "chaiwala" wouldn't be there.....There was nothing else to do n since everyone else wanted to hit home, that's where we really went....Home!!!!! N so early!!!!! Rats!!!!

My Friday night wasn't turning out to be good at all.....The world cup match was on that would decide India's entry to the "Super eight"......I wasn't really a cricket buff, I literally detested that game (all thanks to big guy...) But as there was nothing else I could possibly be doing, I juz wished I could watch it.....I even made a pact with my sis. She'd be sms-ing d scores after every 5 overs n I'd treat her well for that.....(hmmmm....Am sounding like I eat, drink, breathe, live in cricket......Ohmigod!!!!!) Pity ending to that Friday...

Come morning!!! WOW!!! So what if Friday was a drag, this would be the day I'd blast!!! To start with I had no plans made out until evening....And after much pleading, my friends finally agreed to get out of the house....We wandered here and there, n finally made our way to M. G. Road and the "walking plaza", walked again n having had done something returned home with satisfaction.....

Promise we'll have more fun tomorrow.....I assured myself while getting ready for bed......

Sunday morning.....Woke up real early n got ready for church......My mind had big plans for this day....Right after mass, there'd be a movie......And then......I was yet to find out that this would be d most "boring" day I'd be having ever since I'd moved to Pune.......

Church....hymns......prayers......


And now what?? I asked my friends......


"Let's go home" was the reply.....

Home!!!! Y so!!!???

Well none wants to experiment on the movies out this week.....

Still why home??? Can't we do something???

Like what??

I don't know....Something!!!!

NO!!!

Rats!!!!

I didn't even care to talk to any of them on my way back home....I was toooooooooo "upset"....I've never ever listened to the radio at this volume before!!!! Who sat beside me in the bus??? I don't even remember!!!

I'm home n upset n.....(I don't really have words for what I felt) I complained to amma....She laughed it off....(how rude!!!) I told big guy....He suggested that I find a boy-friend!!! (hummmmphhhh!!!! No comments!!!!)

Now what was I supposed to do???

Sleep??? I couldn't

Finish my book??? I got bored after 5 chapters....(Oh no!!!! Not the book!!! I juz wasn't prepared to spend my weekend at home reading how Andrea was treated by her bitchy boss)

TV??? (A what?? I cursed my roomies for not approving my request to get one ....So sorry gals....)

What else??? No other options!!!!!

Ohmigod!!!! My weekend is a disaster!!!

So much for having "high hopes"!!!! Next weekend I'll have a Plan B, that is, how I could have fun staying home!!!!

Oh n many thanks to M for coming out with me for an evening stroll.....That did cool me off a bit!!!

PS: To my roomies....Gals this is an indirect way of telling you how bored I was.....Please Please Please let's work out something so that this wouldn't happen again!!!!

She is a woman! She is Life!!

Happy b'day to me!!!!!

Happy b'day to me.....

happy b'day to me.....

happy b'day... happy b'day...

happy b'day to me.....

Great!!!! Successfully completed one more year being in this world!!!! So that makes me 22 :)

Or shud i say completed 22 n nw am 23.....hmmmm i've never figured out wat 2 say....Ok thn lets stick wid 22 itself!!!

I dunno y bt b'days make me feel juz great...D best part is everyone near n dear calls up 2 wish n u end up hvng a loooooong chat wid them all!!!! wish these b'days come every month!!!! (I knw its nt possible bt thrz no harm in juz wishing)

Well turning 22 is no big deal....it doesn't hv d same feel to it whn u turned 13 n entered ur teens or mayb 18 n told everyone tht u're nw an adult n they shud at any cost treat u as such

Bt today was somehow very special....first of all its my 1st b'day being a professional!!!! well ain't tht great!!!! until nw all my treats wud've been wid d help of my parents....bt today is different....it's my own money!!! I can spend it d way i want to (n considering my case, i'd stick wid mayb a cup of coffee for each of my frndz....wnt tht b juz wonderful)

Whn I was a kid, I remember my parents getting me lots of gifts n inviting all d kids in d neighbourhood for my b'day party.

A little older, I still hd my presents (which was of course less in number) bt no party at home....Things changed at college, whn all my batchmates wud gather around at exactly midnite n u juz wish they'd leave rite after d wishes without gifting u those oooooh so wonderful b'day bumps!!! Bt ure nt a loser after all....u do get to take revenge :)

Bt this was different frm all of it....wishes came in frm all over....My parents, relatives, frndz at college, frndz at work....i din evn hv a moment to spare....Calls started coming in evn before 12....My cell hs nvr been ths busy before!!! :o n besides all tht my roomies who're rite nw my good frndz threw me a wonderful b'day nite.....i cudn't hv wished for more!!!!

Anywayz i did enjoy a lot!!!! hope d same goes for nxt year as well ;)