Coccoon

Accepting life's reality can sometimes be painful. Everybody has a coccoon of dreams and wish to emerge out of it bright and beautiful.

But what if your dreams are shattered. The hope of light that was to give colour to your wings had died forever. And you, unaware of it, still wait for that golden moment to come...
To fly out to the world...
To see your wings sparkle with red, blue and golden...
To see the beauty of nature...
To smell and taste those beautiful flowers...
Everything remains a dream...Visions you've seen over and over again...
Moments you've been longing to live...But somewhere along the way, you realise that it'sof no use.
You're trapped in a dungeon...With a mean and fierce dragon gaurding the high gates...Salvation is yet to come...
Are you tired of waiting? Can you stop dreaming?

I watched a little girl, running about the garden, chasing a butterfly. She asked me for help to catch that little rascal. He's been fooling her for long. I knew I could not but still agreed to try. But later she wanted to run after the clouds and make them stop... :)
I wished to be her, enjoying every little thing coming her way. Giggles and joy was all what she had. Living a carefree life!!!

And that was it!!!If dreams are what really makes me myself, so be it...
So what if my wings are broken...New ones will replace them soon...
I still lie here inside my coccoon...In my own world...With my sweet dreams...

My Prayer!!!

Where am I?

When I came back to office last week, after my short trip home, my supervisor had news for me.

“Ure being shifted to KT office….U’ll have to move out this week itself!”

Wow!!! I din want him to see how relieved I was….KT office!!!! Hardly a minute walk from my apartment [well that is exactly why v decided to take it. Hoping they’d shift us thr]……No more traveling….no more waking up early….I was thrilled!!!

Oh so I forgot to ask him why….”Why is that? all of us are moving out?”

“No u’ve been allotted to a new project!!” (puzzled)

What!!!! I’ve been mapped to a new project? without me being informed? God, I’ve been gone for juz 2 days n look wat happened! why din anyone tell me? Or was it coz my mailbox was full of forwards I mite have missed out such an imp mail?

“Huh!!! Sorry I din know that….I wasn’t informed”

“Din u check ur mails?”

“Well I did….lemme check again….”

And together v went thru d entire mails…..Nope….nothing to be seen…..

“Maybe they’ll inform u today”

Oh yes they did…..within an hour I got the transfer mail n towards d end of d day I got clearance from every department…..Ok am all set to move now…..Hopefully from tomorrow onwards I don’t have to worry about being late for bus :-)

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The next day…..So I’ve told everyone am moving…..am pretty excited……sad too for leaving all my friends here……

Everyone started noticing d change in my display id….it says KT instead of AMB now [denotes which office I am located]…..queries about my new project n when I got shifted……

“Well I don’t know anything about d project yet….n no I’ve not shifted….am still here….it’s juz that my location’s been changed”

“So when are u moving?”

“Not sure about that….waiting for the mail :-)”

“Good luck!!”

“Thanks”

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Next day n I still haven’t moved yet

“Where are you now?”

“Am still here at AMB office”

“But your display shows ure at KT”

“Yeah I know!”

“Well start packing”

“mmmmm”

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Next week

“Not moved yet?”

“No”

Well am still at d same office…..same bay…..using the same machine

Oh n by d way my new supervisor’s on leave….So I can’t be moving unless I get an approval from her…..

So when am I moving? Well that’s tough to answer…..

To conclude am virtually at one place but physically at another….huh!!!!

Now that’s what I call dual existence :-)

Eragon err....dragons!

What is life without fantasies??!!! Weird the tales maybe, but they take us to an entirely different world….Last day it was Eragon that engulfed me into the fantasy land…..

It is the story of Eragon, a farm boy who finds a dragon egg while hunting in the woods and later becomes a dragon rider. The slimy baby dragon was looking sooooo cute and even more magnificent when it grew…. Dragons, elves, an evil King, a sorcerer, an adventurous journey, and finally a war between good and evil, it had all the ingredients for a perfect tale…..I wonder how I could have missed the book…..But it is even more wonderful when you’re watching the entire thing with no clue as to what happens next…….

Everyone seemed to be enjoying it, esp. the kids behind me, who couldn’t keep their mouths shut, ruining all the suspense. Apart from the complaining of my friend for having dragged him for a movie for kids, I thoroughly enjoyed Eragon’s journey. Well I’ll tell what’s next!! Grab a copy of “Eldest” from someone and start the adventure all over again!!!!!

Clouds

I looked out of my aircraft window

watching the city grow smaller

Up n up we went, into the puffy kingdom

I looked at the white bundles,

changing their shapes and constantly shifting

“Cauliflowers”, I told my mom,

to which she just smiled…

“No, dragons they are!!!”

with whiskers n horns n wings to fly

am not afraid I did tell her

he’s still smiling at me!

Flowers n whales n teddy I saw

And horses n Knights I showed my mom

Castles, so big n pink they were

and dreamed to be a princess there…

I wished to sleep in a bed of clouds

Hiding inside them, never to be found…

I smiled at my dreams as a kid

wondering if it was still possible…

I looked again at the fluffy whites

hoping to spot the same dragon again

I looked n looked for my pink castle

And the garden I simply adored

But all I could see was plain white clouds

Yes, now they are just clouds to me…

I failed to see my old friends in them

And as I looked at the white bundles again,

changing their shapes and constantly shifting,

I wished to be a kid again…..

Just another day...

Just another day at office…’twas like any other day…I had nothing to do today than going thru d documents that is due to b completed next week….N since am going home day after, I din feel like reading d boring stuff (well boring it wud b since I’d been doing nothing else for d past few days) I felt a lot lonely today, coz both the bays next to me had no movement…Both my friends had taken a week off n was now home…Must be sleeping all day long….Or maybe watching tv or just relaxing…N me? Stuck in office for another few more hours….

Now today was one of those days I really missed a3’s mails…Usually she bombarded all our mailboxes with loads of forwarded mails…It gets annoying at times, when you find so many of them…Rest of the days u wish d frequency wud b a bit high so u could keep urself occupied with d silly stuff…..There have been days when I’ve asked her to fill up my mailbox…..Now since she’s not here my outlook does not have anything to offer :-( Until now I’ve received nothing but a “Calvin” strip from Mr. know-it-all….That guy has been trying to make me like Calvin for too long….I always enjoy that part of our fight…..Hmmmm….not bad though :P

Nothing to do…Nothing to do….I simply refuse to read one more single line from that stupid document…OOPS!!!! That’s why they pay me…..Sorry it’s not stupid :-)

And so I decided to mail Ams…Now that’s what I usually do when I feel bored….I either mail my college friends….Or we just start a hilarious conversation through the communicator….Me, a3,MM n sometimes paappan too….Now that two are missing, it wouldn’t be as usual

Ams hasn’t been mailing me for quite some time now….Neither is she picking up the phone when I call….Hmmm I don’t understand.....How can she be so busy?? All my friend’s been telling me I send them too big mails they don’t have time to read the entire thing n reply back….Well it doesn’t take that much time to type things, does it? Lazy people!!!!

Anyway I asked her if she was still alive. N what a surprise!! She replied….She asked me what I’d bring for her when I come back from home….She wanted halwa n asked me not to open it from the mess hall…I was to bring it up directly to our room….All of a sudden I started remembering my college days….

College wasn’t so hip n happening for me….But I simply enjoyed those days at hostel….Everything was so different then….I remember the times when someone returned back from home n opened d home-made food or sweets or anything at all….All hands wud be on it together…..N it never mattered if one was hungry or not…..Fighting for it was the best part….This was exactly what ams was talking about…Whenever I went home I brought the special halwa of my place….N each time ams wud be d first one to taste it….V’d cut it n save some pieces for us roomies before calling d others….

The long chats during meals….irritating our matron n getting quick pinches from her at times….the roll calls along with matron’s scolding….the way v cud just keep on talking about anything n nothing v talked ever mattered to us…..teasings…..combined study on d eve of exams…..Missing all of it!!!!

Feels to be back in LH now….Just for a day maybe….Just like old times….Away from work….Away from all worries n tensions….Back in my room…..Curled up in my bed as usual……Reading my book n listening to my favourite playlist…..Watching the changing scenes of my screen-saver with ams until someone calls us crazy :-) ……Waiting for repi n TR to call us for lunch……Yes back at 303 where life was just care-free…..

I find myself thinking about all this, even though my eyes are on my computer screen, pretending as usual, to read that document…..Atleast my mind wud be occupied for the remaining 2 hours at office :-) ……

Thanks ams!!!

I'm not begging you to love me.

I'm not really even asking you.

But, isn't it alright

If I cherish that hope in my heart?

If I dream of just holding your hand,

It will hurt me - not you.

I will try to keep my eyes from shining

When they see you.

And I promise

I will try not to smile a special smile

When you say hello.

but, please

Don't ask me

Not to love you...

For a moment I was just wondering what this person was going through…What would it feel like to have loved a person so much, only to find her falling for someone else…Why would it not have mattered to her that he cared for her so much, loved her more than himself…. Yet he had to be quiet… Just so coz she wished to be with someone else….

Like we read in the story of the Tree, Leaf and Wind (Valentine Story)….How she longed for him to look upon her….How she comforted him on the loss of his girl friend only to find him the next day with someone else…..Yet she waited for him, believing one day he’d approve of her….Yet in the end, she settled for someone else….

When I read it, I thought it to be very touching indeed....Hmmmm……I started pondering on this for a while….And so this is what happens in love???!!!

I couldn’t help wondering how two people could fall in love with each other knowing that the relation wouldn’t do them any good…When they know for sure that they will NEVER have a future together... I’ve seen a lot of love stories at college…And almost all of them had broken off by the end of our course…Well not all of them had this “real love” ingredient in it….Some were just, well you know, “different” (no comments!!!)

Now coming back to the case, I once asked my friend why did she go on with the relation with this guy…I knew for certain that this would never work out…Even she did….Yet she wasn’t ready to give him up…She went on with it knowing that this guy would just leave her in the end…The loss is hers and hers alone!!! She said she wanted to be happy for the time-being…Happy to be with him right now…Hmmmm….”Happy for the time-being”!!!

And what happens when this time gets over…Would you cry all day long for the rest of your life? Would you live with his memories? Or would you just get over him and move on with your life? Yeah!! Move on with your life… With a totally new guy, maybe an affair, maybe get married. And you still think of him? Hmmm…Two questions. How could you move on with your life after having lost someone you loved so much? And how could you love the new guy exactly the same way as you did the first one? If you didn’t forget your love, then there’s one for you too… Do you forgive him for leaving you alone? Would you go on and sabotage his life? Make sure he doesn’t live “happily ever after”? If you forgive him, well what next? (too many questions, I know)

So what did I do when my best friend was in these shoes? I felt bad for him…I hated the girl for ditching him just like that…And oh, well yes…I asked him to move on…He was my friend. What else could I tell him? I asked him to forget her…Everyone did…And he did…Now what would I do if I were him? (uhh…..)

Now what am I trying to prove here? All such relations are insane? Non commentable? Am not sure…But yes I would like to have answers …

My Hairy Friend!!!

BORED!!!

Every Friday, post lunch, am in no mood to work....After that delightful meal the cafeteria offers (esp. d sweets) I could think of nothing else other than going home n enjoying the weekend....

Last Friday was just d same.....Planning on which movies to watch.....Where I could go n hang-out.....I wanted my weekend to be nothing but fun.....I even pitied on my friends who had to come to office on Saturday n maybe even Sunday.....But sad there's nothing I could do....And not that I even cared of either (excuse me for being so selfish)

The moment my system clock showed 5:30 I packed up my stuff, made sure I'd send out a "Have a nice weekend" mail to each n everyone I know of n was out of office by sharp 6:00...

Well now what??!! It was too early to go home.....I begged my roomies to go have a cup of our favourite "ginger tea" at the nearby bakery....Now who would have thought the "chaiwala" wouldn't be there.....There was nothing else to do n since everyone else wanted to hit home, that's where we really went....Home!!!!! N so early!!!!! Rats!!!!

My Friday night wasn't turning out to be good at all.....The world cup match was on that would decide India's entry to the "Super eight"......I wasn't really a cricket buff, I literally detested that game (all thanks to big guy...) But as there was nothing else I could possibly be doing, I juz wished I could watch it.....I even made a pact with my sis. She'd be sms-ing d scores after every 5 overs n I'd treat her well for that.....(hmmmm....Am sounding like I eat, drink, breathe, live in cricket......Ohmigod!!!!!) Pity ending to that Friday...

Come morning!!! WOW!!! So what if Friday was a drag, this would be the day I'd blast!!! To start with I had no plans made out until evening....And after much pleading, my friends finally agreed to get out of the house....We wandered here and there, n finally made our way to M. G. Road and the "walking plaza", walked again n having had done something returned home with satisfaction.....

Promise we'll have more fun tomorrow.....I assured myself while getting ready for bed......

Sunday morning.....Woke up real early n got ready for church......My mind had big plans for this day....Right after mass, there'd be a movie......And then......I was yet to find out that this would be d most "boring" day I'd be having ever since I'd moved to Pune.......

Church....hymns......prayers......


And now what?? I asked my friends......


"Let's go home" was the reply.....

Home!!!! Y so!!!???

Well none wants to experiment on the movies out this week.....

Still why home??? Can't we do something???

Like what??

I don't know....Something!!!!

NO!!!

Rats!!!!

I didn't even care to talk to any of them on my way back home....I was toooooooooo "upset"....I've never ever listened to the radio at this volume before!!!! Who sat beside me in the bus??? I don't even remember!!!

I'm home n upset n.....(I don't really have words for what I felt) I complained to amma....She laughed it off....(how rude!!!) I told big guy....He suggested that I find a boy-friend!!! (hummmmphhhh!!!! No comments!!!!)

Now what was I supposed to do???

Sleep??? I couldn't

Finish my book??? I got bored after 5 chapters....(Oh no!!!! Not the book!!! I juz wasn't prepared to spend my weekend at home reading how Andrea was treated by her bitchy boss)

TV??? (A what?? I cursed my roomies for not approving my request to get one ....So sorry gals....)

What else??? No other options!!!!!

Ohmigod!!!! My weekend is a disaster!!!

So much for having "high hopes"!!!! Next weekend I'll have a Plan B, that is, how I could have fun staying home!!!!

Oh n many thanks to M for coming out with me for an evening stroll.....That did cool me off a bit!!!

PS: To my roomies....Gals this is an indirect way of telling you how bored I was.....Please Please Please let's work out something so that this wouldn't happen again!!!!

She is a woman! She is Life!!

Happy b'day to me!!!!!

Happy b'day to me.....

happy b'day to me.....

happy b'day... happy b'day...

happy b'day to me.....

Great!!!! Successfully completed one more year being in this world!!!! So that makes me 22 :)

Or shud i say completed 22 n nw am 23.....hmmmm i've never figured out wat 2 say....Ok thn lets stick wid 22 itself!!!

I dunno y bt b'days make me feel juz great...D best part is everyone near n dear calls up 2 wish n u end up hvng a loooooong chat wid them all!!!! wish these b'days come every month!!!! (I knw its nt possible bt thrz no harm in juz wishing)

Well turning 22 is no big deal....it doesn't hv d same feel to it whn u turned 13 n entered ur teens or mayb 18 n told everyone tht u're nw an adult n they shud at any cost treat u as such

Bt today was somehow very special....first of all its my 1st b'day being a professional!!!! well ain't tht great!!!! until nw all my treats wud've been wid d help of my parents....bt today is different....it's my own money!!! I can spend it d way i want to (n considering my case, i'd stick wid mayb a cup of coffee for each of my frndz....wnt tht b juz wonderful)

Whn I was a kid, I remember my parents getting me lots of gifts n inviting all d kids in d neighbourhood for my b'day party.

A little older, I still hd my presents (which was of course less in number) bt no party at home....Things changed at college, whn all my batchmates wud gather around at exactly midnite n u juz wish they'd leave rite after d wishes without gifting u those oooooh so wonderful b'day bumps!!! Bt ure nt a loser after all....u do get to take revenge :)

Bt this was different frm all of it....wishes came in frm all over....My parents, relatives, frndz at college, frndz at work....i din evn hv a moment to spare....Calls started coming in evn before 12....My cell hs nvr been ths busy before!!! :o n besides all tht my roomies who're rite nw my good frndz threw me a wonderful b'day nite.....i cudn't hv wished for more!!!!

Anywayz i did enjoy a lot!!!! hope d same goes for nxt year as well ;)